Karl Lagerfeld is known for his quick wit and dry humour, and well, for being a bit of a fashion bitch. But that’s not to say that every now and then he doesn’t come out with a nugget of genius. Oscar Wilde he ain’t, but we still love quoting him.
Karl is SO funny!
1. In the astounding documentary Lagerfeld Confidential (in which we see for ourselves Karl’s love of iPods and Coca Cola) we had a few gems. This might be my favourite though for sheer audacity and argument. “I`m rather pro-prostitution. I admire people who do it. It can`t be much fun. Thank goodness for it. People need relief or they become murderers.” Quite.
2. Karl takes the maxim ‘always wear matching underwear in case you get hit by a bus’ to all new levels of decadence. And he’s got a point. Do you want to look like crap if you have to go to A&E with food poisoning at 3am? (I’m not quite sure how you can look good with food poisoning, but I’m sure Karl has some words of wisdom on that, too). “I`m very impeccable and clean before I go to bed. It`s just like right before I`m going out. When I was a child, my mother always told me that you could wake up in the middle of the night and be deathly sick, so you always have to be impeccable. I laugh about it now, but I think everyone should go to bed like they have a date at the door.”
3. “The most important piece in the house is the garbage can.” YES IT IS, SO WHY DON’T MY HOUSEMATES GET THAT?
4. As something of a midget, this really resonates with me. I also hate short men (Napoleon syndrome + fear of short children). “What I hate is nasty, ugly people… the worst is ugly, short men. Women can be short, but for men it is impossible. It is something that they will not forgive in life… they are mean and they want to kill you.”
5. A shockingly liberal view from one of the world’s most uptight men on issues such as political correctness, fur and wealth… “When I was a child I asked my mother what homosexuality was about and she said – and this was 100 years ago in Germany and she was very open-minded – `It`s like hair colour. It`s nothing. Some people are blonde and some people have dark hair. It`s not a subject.` This was a very healthy attitude.”
6. Although I am someone who would gladly wear pyjamas everyday, everywhere, if it were you know, legal, I do agree with this gem. They’re bloody horrible. “Sweatpants are a sign of defeat. You lost control of your life so you bought sweatpants.”
7. “Swans, they are the meanest animals in the world, you know. I had problems with them as a child. They hate children. I was caught by one, so I know. The idea of swans is lovely, and they have a beautiful shape, but they seem more romantic than they in fact are.” … because as a child, my next door neighbour was attacked by a swan at the lake where we fed the ducks, and it’s haunted me forever. Also, I think swans look really arrogant.
8. “I’m not mad for thongs.” Hear, hear, Karl! Thongs are the worst things ever invented. I never got them, and I’ve never worn one. All my friends were crazy about them at school, but I just think they make you feel like you’ve got a permanent wedgie, plus, a colder bottom. Which is far from ideal.
9. From Karl’s etiquette book… “Pissing everywhere isn’t very Chanel.”
10. KARL KNEW ADELE WAS PREGO BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE, LOOK! “The thing at the moment is Adele. She is a little too fat, but she has a beautiful face and a divine voice.”